Yesterday I found myself experiencing just that - and today it rumbles on.
You see yesterday I turned on the radio whilst I was sorting breakfast. Radio 4 was covering the appalling tales of Furness General Hospital and was interviewing parents whose babies had died due to the neglect of medical and midwifery care at that hospital. That the parents interviewed , whose baby had died so few months before, held their emotions in check so well, was impressive.
(http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/10292722.Police_planning_manslaughter_charges_against_Morecambe_Bay_Hospitals_over_maternity_service/)
The interview threw me right back into memories of my experiences of neglect at 2 hospitals where I recieved antenatal, natal and postnatal 'care', and where my first 2 sons subsequently died. The Morecombe Bay littany has been prevalent for so many years. Records almost always 'go missing' when fault is attributable to those delivering 'care'. This happened with me, and with many of the women I have worked with whose babies died or suffered birth trauma due to poor 'care'.
In my case - when I struggled to get acknowledgement and to change practice to stop future disasters for other parents - I was met by a solid wall of skilled medical deflection. I was even advised that as I had had psychiatric treatment after the death of my first son, that in court I would not be viewed as a reliable witness!
To make progress against the monolith of the NHS - I joined the Community Health Council and got myself on the respective Maternity Liaison Committees. I wrote a document on good communication practices that was distributed to the maternity departments. Sadly nothing was taken on board, In my years as a Specialist Health Visitor - I heard again and again the tales of poor communication, and inaction resulting in tragedy.
It is now 21 years since my first son died - he would have been 21 on the 21st of February this year.
Whilst I am familiar with how grief can fluctuate - it's something we learn to live with. Grief isn't something you 'get over'. Most of the time these days the emotion of grief is something that does not impinge itself on my day - I can even re-visit that traumatic period and hold myself separate from the emotion. Yet, a tale such as this - can just throw me right back to the absolute rawness of it all.
It is always useful to realise how similar we human beings are - how similarly helpless we can be in the hands of those who supposedly 'know and are skilled'. Yet when we are in need and needing to communicate something so urgent about ourselves, our born or unborn babies, and we are trying to get these 'skilled' experts to listen, to take notice, to act on what we are telling them - it seems to make no difference how educated, how eloquent anyone is; at those times of urgency the 'professionals' seem to become deaf to what we are telling them we know is happening. It really does appear to be a wall of institutionalised incompetence, that we meet.
Perhaps what is required is someone who is emotionally unattached to the situation, independent of the professional services, who will act on our behalf communicating dispassionately and not stopping until appropriate action is taken.
The emotional and trust injuries created by those 'professionals' who are supposed to act in our best interests - are huge.
Communication really does need to be explored at a much deeper level. Communication skills have so many facets. It is not just about language, or intonation. It is about listening, clarifying and demonstrably taking appropriate action and then clarifying what is or is not done - so that what is understood and acted upon is clearly understood by all sides. Communication is so key to effective treatment, and healing - the NHS as it ploughs its way down its firefighting, statistics driven path wastes lives and fortunes in resources. It really is time to change practices, and have a major overhaul of philosophy, ethos and practice - to create a humane and effective service.
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