Which is more effective? The person who is very clear about what needs to be done, and gets on and does it, or the person who says 'yes' to everything put before them and who ends up trying to do everything, multi-tasks continuously, gets really frazzled and stressed?
If you are someone who always feels that saying 'no' will make you unpopular, loose you opportunities, get you into arguments - think again! There are many reasons for becoming focussed, and assertive.
Saying ‘no’ can be difficult – especially for individuals
who like to please others, or are afraid of conflict, or perhaps of losing
opportunities. However saying ‘no’
comfortably, is vital if you are going to be effective, maintain your
self-respect, be able to prioritise, and stay sane. Saying ‘no’ with clarity sets you as someone
who has time boundaries, focus and builds respect in others.
Recognising
your own patterns of response when being asked to do something is very useful. If you are someone who normally responds with
a ‘yes’ very quickly, choose to take more time before you give your response - tell the enquirer that you will get back to
them by the end of the day, for example. Before you give your response write out the
pros and cons – this can help make saying ‘no’ easy and simple. Knowing
what your own priorities are, is key to filtering many requests. What are your goals? Knowing what you are needing to do and
knowing what is important for you to achieve your goals and your priorities,
can help you filter the requests. This
is important whether you are employed, self-employed or a small business
enterprise, you need to be clear on your personal goals and your business/role goals/boundaries.
Having time boundaries enables you to filter requests to personal versus
business time – and hence to place requests comfortably within the relevant
time periods – (eg personal calls during work or business time.) Like
most things, getting to be familiar with saying ‘no’ makes it easy. So, reflect on the most frequent situations
where you would want to be saying ‘no’, where in the past you always said ‘yes’. Think of the ways you will now say,
comfortably and pleasantly ‘no’ in those situations. Practice. When
you say ‘no’ keep it simple. Don’t apologise
or give lengthy explanations. Giving
lengthy explanations makes you seem less certain about your ‘no’ and gives opportunity
for the enquirer to get in and try to change your mind. Keep it simple. ‘No’
does not necessarily mean for ever. If
the request fits within your goals, but not your current priorities, you can
state when you would appropriately be able to fit the request in. When
a request does not fit with your criteria, but you know someone that could fit
the bill – have a quick word with that person to check they are happy to be put
forward, and then when you say ‘no’ put forward the name of the person who
could assist. That way you build your
reputation as someone with boundaries, who can be helpful. Journaling
can give you the opportunity to record your intention to be more assertive, and
the areas you in which you wish to make changes. It helps your brain to know that this is what
you are wanting to do and makes it easier.
Written goals are more likely to be achieved than unwritten goals. So if you want to become an effective manager
of your own life – write down where you are wanting to gain greater control –
and the ways that you plan to do so.
Each day record your progress and your learning. Remember to praise yourself every time you
manage to say ‘no’. You will gain so
much confidence for having taken control. You will have much greater pleasure when
engaging in the activities you want to engage in – as they will finally be free
from the pressing multitudes of unwanted obligations.
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