Sometimes a lesson needs to be right in our face, to see how vital it is. Death is one of those lessons. We can put off so much until tomorrow – but we really shouldn’t, certainly not the really important things like living in the moment with love in our hearts, rather than in deep hurt from the past. We can only start with ourselves, for as the old adage states - you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. You can try, but if it won’t drink, it won’t.
Recently I was privileged to be given a huge lesson on the need for each of us to live at peace with ourselves. I was sitting at the bedside of someone I love, helping to soothe and relax her, to allow death to come peacefully. It was so sad and deeply ironic that throughout this person’s life, she had focused on impending death and her wish to die, more than she had focussed on life and the moment, and the glorious delights that billions of moments in life can bring. This person’s powerful focus on what had happened to her, kept her from experiencing the moment. It had resulted in shutting loving people out of her life, and missing out on so much love. She couldn’t see what was hers for the taking, even from those she had repeatedly driven away. In the last days and hours she was suddenly resisting what she had yearned for, over so many years. In those last hours, although it was impossible to know who she was talking to, seeing, agitating about, it was clear that impending death was far from peaceful. It was not the welcoming, peaceful, loving end that you would want for someone you love.
As a nurse, I have worked and been with many people as they died, children and babies as they died, but I have never seen such unease. My life and work has always been driven by a passion to make the world, and people’s worlds, a better place.
This very recent experience has given me fresh impetus to help individuals to experience the love that is present in their lives, and to welcome it from its myriad sources.
It is more than possible to help people adjust to events. NLP has many techniques to enable individuals to deal with events in the past from which limiting beliefs and negative self-images have developed, resulting in life-long difficulties. These techniques act with great effectiveness, and more speedily than many other therapies. People can be helped to take positive learning about themselves from any event, and then gain a different perspective on even the most awful events, domestic violence, and/or abuse. They can then be “unfrozen” from these events, draw upon the strength which any survivor possesses, and see themselves positively. Then they can make a difference for the good in every aspect of their own lives, and from that point on, inevitably, they make a difference for the good in others – helping them to be more effective and at peace.
It is so important that we each can live well, with love in our hearts, and knowing that unlimited love is there for everyone of us. My recommendation to all is - do not live in the past nor bear grudges. They may indeed be justifiable, but grudges keep you frozen in that moment. Let love and light and compassion into your lives. One of the many presuppositions of NLP is ‘what would have to be true about someone’s world, for them to do what they have done?’ Even if the only thing one can come to grips with is - that someone was a diabolical individual, there are still many ways to find release by coming to understand and de-personalise oneself from someone else’s acts, by seeing that other people operate from their own learning and rationalisation rather than in reaction to oneself. Then events can be learned from, and the fact that you have survived is a testimony to your strength. Do not let events that have happened to you limit your life, your capabilities, your relationships and your possible successes. If need be, seek support to unravel events, so that you can step free and ever onwards with joy in your step, in the knowledge that at all times you are able to do your best, according to the circumstances of that moment. Being emotionally free to always do your best will enable you to make more progress and achieve more than you might ever have imagined.
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