Monday, 2 September 2013
The Clara Gibson Newsletter - helping you to make that difference from drastic to fantastic!
The Clara Gibson Video Newsletter - check out our summer newsletter.
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Drastic to Fantastic - your way to sexual fitness! 08/01 by Drastic to Fantastic | Women Podcasts
Drastic to Fantastic - your way to sexual fitness! 08/01 by Drastic to Fantastic | Women Podcasts
Listen in to find out the importance of a truly holistic approach to your health and well being including the importance of sexual satisfaction, orgasm and the role of your pelvic floor in helping you to have that holistic wellbeing.
Listen in to find out the importance of a truly holistic approach to your health and well being including the importance of sexual satisfaction, orgasm and the role of your pelvic floor in helping you to have that holistic wellbeing.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Spotlite Radio Presents Life, Health and Wellness Coach Clara Gibson
Spotlite Radio Presents Life, Health and Wellness Coach Clara Gibson This was my second radio interview this week. Listen in find out how you can change and improve your life in any area you want to.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Are you a dictator? Are you your own dictator?
What reaction does the term dictator have for you?
Do you get a physical sensation when you think of the word? What does the term mean to you?
Is it someone who tells you what to believe? What you can or can't do?
Would the restriction need to be some thing fairly far fetched for you to notice?
What would you think if the leader of your country ordered you to believe that the world was actually flat? Or that from today onwards thursday was now going to be monday, and all the days in the week would now be re-named?
What would you do?
In a real dictatorship you could become part of a protest organisation, you could nod and think inside your head 'what nonsense' and pay lip service to the change and carry on with your own beliefs, or you could choose to accept that the leader is right and shift from your previous beliefs.
There are parts of the world where leaders have certainly tried hard to openly control peoples beliefs and behaviours - worst examples include any ideological radical perspective such as the Chinese Cultural revolution, Afghanistan under the Mujahideen and the Taliban, Burma, South Africa under appartite, America in the McCarthy era, Germany under Hitler - so many examples - but - did everyone knuckle under and swallow the pill? Certainly not. Perhaps it is easier to see what is good/bad, useful/unuseful, beneficial/distructive when the belief system is radically in opposition to ones own beliefs.
Yet, every moment of the day everyone of us chooses to take note and focus on some things and exclude a whole range of other possibilities that might be more beneficial to us. In our life time we have taken on views and beliefs and ways of being and accepted them or not. Some people will have felt uncomfortable with what they were being expected to believe or do, and will have opted to take their leave from the cultural group imposing those beliefs - whether those groups were families or work organisations. Others will bow down and accept it.
Every time you tell yourself what is not possible - you are cutting out chance of making a difference - you are being your own dictator.
Every day I have clients come to me, many of whom need assistance to realise that they are their own dictator. It is only they who as adults have chosen to think, feel, act and react as they do. So many people are so deeply engaged with the thoughts rolling around inside their heads that they can drive great distances and not notice, (I have done that particularly when in a deep dark place). Many people live so much in their own heads that they are unaware that the birds are singing, or that a beautiful rainbow is right in front of them, or that someone is talking to them, that they ate their dinner and didn't notice, cooked a meal and only really became aware when they cut a finger. etc
Learning to be aware of what our thoughts and feelings are, as soon as we have them, enables us to engage more actively in our own lives and with our partners, our children, our colleagues, our work and our health much more effectively, to see opportunities and possibilities sooner, to try different options and to make a difference in their circumstances, or the circumstances of others.
When we become aware of how we think and feel, and then choose how we want to think and feel, and what will be the best, most useful action for us to take - we can then choose and direct our own lives. We can become our own beneficial dictator, with great benefit to ourselves and everyone around us.
You will most certainly find that your energy increases, that you feel more awake and alive than you have for a very long time.
Changing habits, any habits always requires support from new sources, from people who can guide you, or people who have already trodden a new path for themselves. If you would like to book a FREE telephone consultation to explore how you can make changes in your life Click here!
Do you get a physical sensation when you think of the word? What does the term mean to you?
Is it someone who tells you what to believe? What you can or can't do?
Would the restriction need to be some thing fairly far fetched for you to notice?
What would you think if the leader of your country ordered you to believe that the world was actually flat? Or that from today onwards thursday was now going to be monday, and all the days in the week would now be re-named?
What would you do?
In a real dictatorship you could become part of a protest organisation, you could nod and think inside your head 'what nonsense' and pay lip service to the change and carry on with your own beliefs, or you could choose to accept that the leader is right and shift from your previous beliefs.
There are parts of the world where leaders have certainly tried hard to openly control peoples beliefs and behaviours - worst examples include any ideological radical perspective such as the Chinese Cultural revolution, Afghanistan under the Mujahideen and the Taliban, Burma, South Africa under appartite, America in the McCarthy era, Germany under Hitler - so many examples - but - did everyone knuckle under and swallow the pill? Certainly not. Perhaps it is easier to see what is good/bad, useful/unuseful, beneficial/distructive when the belief system is radically in opposition to ones own beliefs.
Yet, every moment of the day everyone of us chooses to take note and focus on some things and exclude a whole range of other possibilities that might be more beneficial to us. In our life time we have taken on views and beliefs and ways of being and accepted them or not. Some people will have felt uncomfortable with what they were being expected to believe or do, and will have opted to take their leave from the cultural group imposing those beliefs - whether those groups were families or work organisations. Others will bow down and accept it.
Every time you tell yourself what is not possible - you are cutting out chance of making a difference - you are being your own dictator.
Learning to be aware of what our thoughts and feelings are, as soon as we have them, enables us to engage more actively in our own lives and with our partners, our children, our colleagues, our work and our health much more effectively, to see opportunities and possibilities sooner, to try different options and to make a difference in their circumstances, or the circumstances of others.
When we become aware of how we think and feel, and then choose how we want to think and feel, and what will be the best, most useful action for us to take - we can then choose and direct our own lives. We can become our own beneficial dictator, with great benefit to ourselves and everyone around us.
You will most certainly find that your energy increases, that you feel more awake and alive than you have for a very long time.
Changing habits, any habits always requires support from new sources, from people who can guide you, or people who have already trodden a new path for themselves. If you would like to book a FREE telephone consultation to explore how you can make changes in your life Click here!
If you would like to get our newsletter to hear about events, offers and news Sign up here!
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Wanting Change that lasts!
We live in a world where we can achieve so much at the touch of a button. Over 8 million people are now working from home, or anywhere - mainly working from their computers.
We can book holidays, visit places, order any array of products without leaving our homes or the beach. We can create art and design entirely digitally. Now we can even create products through 3d and 4d printing. We are moving to an age where so much can be achieved with barely touching anything except for our computers or our mobile phones.
These are mammoth changes. Yet the human mind and psychological needs are no different to 1000's of years ago. Our technology has changed, we humans have not. When so much can be achieved with seemingly little effort - it is not surprising that we struggle establishing the change in our own thinking and behaviours that we need to do, to be as effective as we want and need to be.
In contrast to the wild promises that change in old patterns can be created in a moment. Lasting change really does re-quire constant vigilence and effort. You see our human minds are rather like computers. Our early childhood experiences do create a default setting, which we are attracted back to at all times, particularly at times of crisis. So for the individuals whose default settings were set in ways that were not supportive to healthy behaviour and thinking - they have to be more conscious and work harder (initially) to adopt new patterns of behaviour that they need, to be as effective, happy and healthy as they most certainly can be.
The good thing is that you can make that difference and you can shift from feeling drastic to fantastic. Making change that lasts, requires you to see and know how you can and want to be, and to commit to taking daily action.
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In the early stages support really is required, but as you get used to always moving forward and having great compassion for your every bit of learning you will be amazed at how much you can achieve and how wonderful your life will be. Change is not complicated, very often the differences you need to make in how you think and what you do are very simple. However, sometimes you can be too close to what you do, to be able to see where and what you can change - and that's where support can help you to make much more effective change, more easily. The good thing is that once you get your ball of change rolling it does get easier and easier to make that difference in your life!
We can book holidays, visit places, order any array of products without leaving our homes or the beach. We can create art and design entirely digitally. Now we can even create products through 3d and 4d printing. We are moving to an age where so much can be achieved with barely touching anything except for our computers or our mobile phones.
These are mammoth changes. Yet the human mind and psychological needs are no different to 1000's of years ago. Our technology has changed, we humans have not. When so much can be achieved with seemingly little effort - it is not surprising that we struggle establishing the change in our own thinking and behaviours that we need to do, to be as effective as we want and need to be.
In contrast to the wild promises that change in old patterns can be created in a moment. Lasting change really does re-quire constant vigilence and effort. You see our human minds are rather like computers. Our early childhood experiences do create a default setting, which we are attracted back to at all times, particularly at times of crisis. So for the individuals whose default settings were set in ways that were not supportive to healthy behaviour and thinking - they have to be more conscious and work harder (initially) to adopt new patterns of behaviour that they need, to be as effective, happy and healthy as they most certainly can be.
The good thing is that you can make that difference and you can shift from feeling drastic to fantastic. Making change that lasts, requires you to see and know how you can and want to be, and to commit to taking daily action.
In the early stages support really is required, but as you get used to always moving forward and having great compassion for your every bit of learning you will be amazed at how much you can achieve and how wonderful your life will be. Change is not complicated, very often the differences you need to make in how you think and what you do are very simple. However, sometimes you can be too close to what you do, to be able to see where and what you can change - and that's where support can help you to make much more effective change, more easily. The good thing is that once you get your ball of change rolling it does get easier and easier to make that difference in your life!
Thursday, 4 April 2013
Change your thinking .. change your world! Putting that spring back into your life!
Will this winter ever end? Spring is definitely lurking in the wings. Although the tree blossoms are waiting for warmer days, the daffodils are determined and their buds are getting bigger and bigger, as are the buds of my wallflowers, the bluebells and forget-me-nots are most certainly awaiting more conducive conditions. However, I am so happy that my crocuses show their true colours with free abandon. They are very beautiful and appear bigger and bolder for the lack of competitors around them.
Is it coincidence or is there a parallel between this long winter, and the ongoing miserable economic conditions in the UK, and the state of individuals sense of fun and wellbeing - or the lack of it?
What ever the relationship, it is a fact that more people are experiencing stress, anxiety and depression at this time in the UK.
So here comes the exciting part - unlike our climate, or the economic conditions over which we have no control - there is one part of our lives that we do have total control over when we learn how to - our thinking and emotions.
Also, what is very exciting is that it can be very easy - almost as though someone has lifted the curtain, and let in the light.
So regardless of whether you periodically or more regularly experience stress, depression, anxiety or a need for greater happiness in your life - you can turn this around by becoming aware of the patterns you run and by learning new resourceful patterns and practising them until they become your new default settings.
Join our weekly free 20 minute coaching webinars to help you to learn strategies that will help you to make your life effective, happy and so that you can confidently achieve the goals that you set yourself.
If you can't attend but would like the recording please do sign up to get the recording.
Saturday, 16 March 2013
Emotions and Memories.
We all have those moments when we find ourselves in the midst of emotions that have no place in our present moment and circumstances.
Yesterday I found myself experiencing just that - and today it rumbles on.
You see yesterday I turned on the radio whilst I was sorting breakfast. Radio 4 was covering the appalling tales of Furness General Hospital and was interviewing parents whose babies had died due to the neglect of medical and midwifery care at that hospital. That the parents interviewed , whose baby had died so few months before, held their emotions in check so well, was impressive.
(http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/10292722.Police_planning_manslaughter_charges_against_Morecambe_Bay_Hospitals_over_maternity_service/)
The interview threw me right back into memories of my experiences of neglect at 2 hospitals where I recieved antenatal, natal and postnatal 'care', and where my first 2 sons subsequently died. The Morecombe Bay littany has been prevalent for so many years. Records almost always 'go missing' when fault is attributable to those delivering 'care'. This happened with me, and with many of the women I have worked with whose babies died or suffered birth trauma due to poor 'care'.
Insult is so often poured upon enormous injury to those that strive simply to get an acknowledgement of fault - at the very least.
In my case - when I struggled to get acknowledgement and to change practice to stop future disasters for other parents - I was met by a solid wall of skilled medical deflection. I was even advised that as I had had psychiatric treatment after the death of my first son, that in court I would not be viewed as a reliable witness!
To make progress against the monolith of the NHS - I joined the Community Health Council and got myself on the respective Maternity Liaison Committees. I wrote a document on good communication practices that was distributed to the maternity departments. Sadly nothing was taken on board, In my years as a Specialist Health Visitor - I heard again and again the tales of poor communication, and inaction resulting in tragedy.
It is now 21 years since my first son died - he would have been 21 on the 21st of February this year.
Whilst I am familiar with how grief can fluctuate - it's something we learn to live with. Grief isn't something you 'get over'. Most of the time these days the emotion of grief is something that does not impinge itself on my day - I can even re-visit that traumatic period and hold myself separate from the emotion. Yet, a tale such as this - can just throw me right back to the absolute rawness of it all.
It is always useful to realise how similar we human beings are - how similarly helpless we can be in the hands of those who supposedly 'know and are skilled'. Yet when we are in need and needing to communicate something so urgent about ourselves, our born or unborn babies, and we are trying to get these 'skilled' experts to listen, to take notice, to act on what we are telling them - it seems to make no difference how educated, how eloquent anyone is; at those times of urgency the 'professionals' seem to become deaf to what we are telling them we know is happening. It really does appear to be a wall of institutionalised incompetence, that we meet.
Perhaps what is required is someone who is emotionally unattached to the situation, independent of the professional services, who will act on our behalf communicating dispassionately and not stopping until appropriate action is taken.
The emotional and trust injuries created by those 'professionals' who are supposed to act in our best interests - are huge.
Communication really does need to be explored at a much deeper level. Communication skills have so many facets. It is not just about language, or intonation. It is about listening, clarifying and demonstrably taking appropriate action and then clarifying what is or is not done - so that what is understood and acted upon is clearly understood by all sides. Communication is so key to effective treatment, and healing - the NHS as it ploughs its way down its firefighting, statistics driven path wastes lives and fortunes in resources. It really is time to change practices, and have a major overhaul of philosophy, ethos and practice - to create a humane and effective service.
To contact Clara or sign up for the make that difference newsletter visit www.makethatdifference.org
Yesterday I found myself experiencing just that - and today it rumbles on.
You see yesterday I turned on the radio whilst I was sorting breakfast. Radio 4 was covering the appalling tales of Furness General Hospital and was interviewing parents whose babies had died due to the neglect of medical and midwifery care at that hospital. That the parents interviewed , whose baby had died so few months before, held their emotions in check so well, was impressive.
(http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/10292722.Police_planning_manslaughter_charges_against_Morecambe_Bay_Hospitals_over_maternity_service/)
The interview threw me right back into memories of my experiences of neglect at 2 hospitals where I recieved antenatal, natal and postnatal 'care', and where my first 2 sons subsequently died. The Morecombe Bay littany has been prevalent for so many years. Records almost always 'go missing' when fault is attributable to those delivering 'care'. This happened with me, and with many of the women I have worked with whose babies died or suffered birth trauma due to poor 'care'.
In my case - when I struggled to get acknowledgement and to change practice to stop future disasters for other parents - I was met by a solid wall of skilled medical deflection. I was even advised that as I had had psychiatric treatment after the death of my first son, that in court I would not be viewed as a reliable witness!
To make progress against the monolith of the NHS - I joined the Community Health Council and got myself on the respective Maternity Liaison Committees. I wrote a document on good communication practices that was distributed to the maternity departments. Sadly nothing was taken on board, In my years as a Specialist Health Visitor - I heard again and again the tales of poor communication, and inaction resulting in tragedy.
It is now 21 years since my first son died - he would have been 21 on the 21st of February this year.
Whilst I am familiar with how grief can fluctuate - it's something we learn to live with. Grief isn't something you 'get over'. Most of the time these days the emotion of grief is something that does not impinge itself on my day - I can even re-visit that traumatic period and hold myself separate from the emotion. Yet, a tale such as this - can just throw me right back to the absolute rawness of it all.
It is always useful to realise how similar we human beings are - how similarly helpless we can be in the hands of those who supposedly 'know and are skilled'. Yet when we are in need and needing to communicate something so urgent about ourselves, our born or unborn babies, and we are trying to get these 'skilled' experts to listen, to take notice, to act on what we are telling them - it seems to make no difference how educated, how eloquent anyone is; at those times of urgency the 'professionals' seem to become deaf to what we are telling them we know is happening. It really does appear to be a wall of institutionalised incompetence, that we meet.
Perhaps what is required is someone who is emotionally unattached to the situation, independent of the professional services, who will act on our behalf communicating dispassionately and not stopping until appropriate action is taken.
The emotional and trust injuries created by those 'professionals' who are supposed to act in our best interests - are huge.
Communication really does need to be explored at a much deeper level. Communication skills have so many facets. It is not just about language, or intonation. It is about listening, clarifying and demonstrably taking appropriate action and then clarifying what is or is not done - so that what is understood and acted upon is clearly understood by all sides. Communication is so key to effective treatment, and healing - the NHS as it ploughs its way down its firefighting, statistics driven path wastes lives and fortunes in resources. It really is time to change practices, and have a major overhaul of philosophy, ethos and practice - to create a humane and effective service.
To contact Clara or sign up for the make that difference newsletter visit www.makethatdifference.org
Friday, 1 February 2013
Goal Setting made easy!
Talk Fusion Studio UTC
Goals! Does the idea excite you or fill you with dread?
If it fills you with excitement it is likely that you have had success with goals that you have set. If 'goals' fill you with dread - then the likelihood is that you have fallen off track, got distracted and lost sight of your goals - and the likelihood is that you judged yourself for what happened.
So watch this quick video with these easy strategies for making achieving your goals really easy!
Goals! Does the idea excite you or fill you with dread?
If it fills you with excitement it is likely that you have had success with goals that you have set. If 'goals' fill you with dread - then the likelihood is that you have fallen off track, got distracted and lost sight of your goals - and the likelihood is that you judged yourself for what happened.
So watch this quick video with these easy strategies for making achieving your goals really easy!
Monday, 28 January 2013
Does feeling fed up cost your dear?
I don't know whether our economy is really in the bad straits that the news tells us. What I am aware of is that there are plenty of people focussing on what can't happen rather than what can - and that includes the politicians. Such thinking that certainly impacts people's confidence and willingness to take action. That makes people fed up, hopeless, and directionless. Often resulting in very negative behaviours.
Take our survey now and find out how much feeling fed up is costing you, and get our free report to help you take charge, now:-
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZMWY5ZT
When the predominant view for people is what can't happen and what difficult times these are, then that is what they will find. It is interesting that people do experience more of what is wrong when they are closing down on the possibilities of things being different and possible. The reason being, that they experience more of what is wrong because that is what they are looking for. They are looking for confirmation that times are difficult, that our economy makes it impossible to get started on projects - and so ofcourse they will find that confirmation. What they wont see are the multitudes of possibilities, opportunities and openings that are available, right now.
In contrast we rarely hear of the many new projects getting going and ofcourse the successful business men and women who blew the predictions of difficulty and collapse to the heavens by being creative and seeing the possibilities and consequently making their fortunes.
Tim Ferriss describes this in his blog about the six figure businesses that got started often with less than $100. These were often people without big bucks, and perhaps what others would describe as no future. However , they made their futures - they looked outside the box and took action.
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2012/05/24/six-figure-businesses-built-for-less-than-100-17-lessons-learned/
I found examples of this last summer when I attended the USANA Health Sciences convention. The four day event was hugely peppered with awards to those who had created big businesses - sometimes with no start up funds what so ever. One of the most remarkable tales was of three young men from the phillipines- one had been homeless and unemployed and the other two were employed but not even earning the national average wage of about $200 per month. They each grew their businesses from $0 with no money of their own up to $30,000 per annum in 8 months and beyond it. They created their pot of gold.
No one needs to stick around fed up looking at limitations today. How we think is a choice, just as are our behaviours.
The impact of negative thinking impacts every aspect of your health and life - take our survey to find out how much being fed-up might be costing you and affecting your life and get our free report on how you can take charge now:-
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZMWY5ZT
Take our survey now and find out how much feeling fed up is costing you, and get our free report to help you take charge, now:-
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZMWY5ZT
When the predominant view for people is what can't happen and what difficult times these are, then that is what they will find. It is interesting that people do experience more of what is wrong when they are closing down on the possibilities of things being different and possible. The reason being, that they experience more of what is wrong because that is what they are looking for. They are looking for confirmation that times are difficult, that our economy makes it impossible to get started on projects - and so ofcourse they will find that confirmation. What they wont see are the multitudes of possibilities, opportunities and openings that are available, right now.
In contrast we rarely hear of the many new projects getting going and ofcourse the successful business men and women who blew the predictions of difficulty and collapse to the heavens by being creative and seeing the possibilities and consequently making their fortunes.
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2012/05/24/six-figure-businesses-built-for-less-than-100-17-lessons-learned/
I found examples of this last summer when I attended the USANA Health Sciences convention. The four day event was hugely peppered with awards to those who had created big businesses - sometimes with no start up funds what so ever. One of the most remarkable tales was of three young men from the phillipines- one had been homeless and unemployed and the other two were employed but not even earning the national average wage of about $200 per month. They each grew their businesses from $0 with no money of their own up to $30,000 per annum in 8 months and beyond it. They created their pot of gold.
No one needs to stick around fed up looking at limitations today. How we think is a choice, just as are our behaviours.
The impact of negative thinking impacts every aspect of your health and life - take our survey to find out how much being fed-up might be costing you and affecting your life and get our free report on how you can take charge now:-
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZMWY5ZT
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Finding Freedom and Happiness!
How we think sets us free or traps us. How we think allows us to be happy or not. The remarkable aspect of how we experience our world is most certainly not defined by external events, but how we view them.
In recognising this we are given the most wonderful gift ever. We do not need to wait for something to happen to be happy, or to have achieved something defined as a success by others to feel pride in ourselves, or for a particular action to happen to have love in your life. We can experience happiness, love, pride - at any moment in our each and every day.
If we choose to define our experience according to other people's values and perspectives, we will spend our lives always at odds to our own true values.
Becoming aware of our own values, and learning to appreciate what is good right now, is vital for our effectiveness, happiness and health. In fact making the decision to choose our focus of attention is as essential to our wellbeing and effectiveness as drinking water, eating healthy food, taking supplements and taking exercise.
Of course some terrible things can happen in life. I remember when my first baby died and the deep misery that settled upon me; yet on occassions, as I walked our dog around Peckham Rye Park in London, there would be moments when I would find myself out of my internal misery, free, gazing at the clouds in the sky - seeing the shapes, the colours in the clouds - even on an entirely grey day. At that time I had so much less knowledge and awareness than I do today. However even then, I noticed that suddenly I was free of the misery of my loss, it made me question whether maybe my grief was not so great. I came to the conclusion that being able to escape the deep misery that I felt encapsulated by, even for a few moments did not negate my loss. I learned that it was possible to experience both. Even today, 21 years later, the acute pain of that bereavement and of later ones, can bubble up as raw as those early days. I know now that I can choose where I want my focus to remain, and that is what I do.
What I know is that noticing and taking pleasure in simple and random happenings can give me a very deep sense of pleasure and connectedness with the world and nature. If you think of the times you have really laughed, you will re-connect with those wonderful feelings.
Loss, love, expectation and happiness have been subjects that have been the source material for poets, novellists and philosophers throughout civilization. I came across a wonderful quote about happiness yesterday, by Eleanor Roosevelt:-
'.. happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product'.
This is so true. Of course at moments of crisis it can take a while to see through the haze, the dust, the sense of bewilderment and shock, yet with the many people I have worked with - as a health visitor, who have been bereaved, or who have had their own life seriously threatened - the majority do find that alongside their grief they also find an equally acute appreciation of life and of the tiny beauties that are every where all the time, when they choose to notice.
Today, I came across this video about Sue Austin - who found magnificent freedom after illness in her teens altered her mobility and required her to use a wheel chair. Hers is a beautiful example of how we can choose our own perspective and by doing so really begin to have fun, happiness and freedom. Watch this, please, and watch the faces of the audience as they see beyond their common cultural limitations associated with disability, and are transfixed by Sue's wonderful love of beauty, fun and freedom.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sue_austin_deep_sea_diving_in_a_wheelchair.html
Ofcourse, whilst my blog today has touched on extreme experiences which might trap us or set us free, the habits of thinking that individuals run are first set in early childhood. These habits are most frequently set in response to the responses and teachings of our parents, grandparents and teachers - in those early situations we made sense of our world, according to our understanding then. Now we can choose to understand and make sense of the world according to our understanding now. From this moment on we can choose to take note of what is right in our world right now.
So choose to see and notice what is pleasing, what is interesting, choose to take note of the feel of your every action - without labelling it. As you begin to notice what is good around you will find more and more. You will have more and more happiness right now.
In recognising this we are given the most wonderful gift ever. We do not need to wait for something to happen to be happy, or to have achieved something defined as a success by others to feel pride in ourselves, or for a particular action to happen to have love in your life. We can experience happiness, love, pride - at any moment in our each and every day.
If we choose to define our experience according to other people's values and perspectives, we will spend our lives always at odds to our own true values.
Becoming aware of our own values, and learning to appreciate what is good right now, is vital for our effectiveness, happiness and health. In fact making the decision to choose our focus of attention is as essential to our wellbeing and effectiveness as drinking water, eating healthy food, taking supplements and taking exercise.
Of course some terrible things can happen in life. I remember when my first baby died and the deep misery that settled upon me; yet on occassions, as I walked our dog around Peckham Rye Park in London, there would be moments when I would find myself out of my internal misery, free, gazing at the clouds in the sky - seeing the shapes, the colours in the clouds - even on an entirely grey day. At that time I had so much less knowledge and awareness than I do today. However even then, I noticed that suddenly I was free of the misery of my loss, it made me question whether maybe my grief was not so great. I came to the conclusion that being able to escape the deep misery that I felt encapsulated by, even for a few moments did not negate my loss. I learned that it was possible to experience both. Even today, 21 years later, the acute pain of that bereavement and of later ones, can bubble up as raw as those early days. I know now that I can choose where I want my focus to remain, and that is what I do.
What I know is that noticing and taking pleasure in simple and random happenings can give me a very deep sense of pleasure and connectedness with the world and nature. If you think of the times you have really laughed, you will re-connect with those wonderful feelings.
 |
| Seeing this young fox in my garden - gave me such a glow, and feeling of delight |
Loss, love, expectation and happiness have been subjects that have been the source material for poets, novellists and philosophers throughout civilization. I came across a wonderful quote about happiness yesterday, by Eleanor Roosevelt:-
'.. happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product'.
This is so true. Of course at moments of crisis it can take a while to see through the haze, the dust, the sense of bewilderment and shock, yet with the many people I have worked with - as a health visitor, who have been bereaved, or who have had their own life seriously threatened - the majority do find that alongside their grief they also find an equally acute appreciation of life and of the tiny beauties that are every where all the time, when they choose to notice.
Today, I came across this video about Sue Austin - who found magnificent freedom after illness in her teens altered her mobility and required her to use a wheel chair. Hers is a beautiful example of how we can choose our own perspective and by doing so really begin to have fun, happiness and freedom. Watch this, please, and watch the faces of the audience as they see beyond their common cultural limitations associated with disability, and are transfixed by Sue's wonderful love of beauty, fun and freedom.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sue_austin_deep_sea_diving_in_a_wheelchair.html
Ofcourse, whilst my blog today has touched on extreme experiences which might trap us or set us free, the habits of thinking that individuals run are first set in early childhood. These habits are most frequently set in response to the responses and teachings of our parents, grandparents and teachers - in those early situations we made sense of our world, according to our understanding then. Now we can choose to understand and make sense of the world according to our understanding now. From this moment on we can choose to take note of what is right in our world right now.
So choose to see and notice what is pleasing, what is interesting, choose to take note of the feel of your every action - without labelling it. As you begin to notice what is good around you will find more and more. You will have more and more happiness right now.
Monday, 14 January 2013
7 tips to become more effective! Fast!
Which is more effective? The person who is very clear about what needs to be done, and gets on and does it, or the person who says 'yes' to everything put before them and who ends up trying to do everything, multi-tasks continuously, gets really frazzled and stressed?
If you are someone who always feels that saying 'no' will make you unpopular, loose you opportunities, get you into arguments - think again! There are many reasons for becoming focussed, and assertive.
Saying ‘no’ can be difficult – especially for individuals
who like to please others, or are afraid of conflict, or perhaps of losing
opportunities. However saying ‘no’
comfortably, is vital if you are going to be effective, maintain your
self-respect, be able to prioritise, and stay sane. Saying ‘no’ with clarity sets you as someone
who has time boundaries, focus and builds respect in others.
Recognising
your own patterns of response when being asked to do something is very useful. If you are someone who normally responds with
a ‘yes’ very quickly, choose to take more time before you give your response - tell the enquirer that you will get back to
them by the end of the day, for example. Before you give your response write out the
pros and cons – this can help make saying ‘no’ easy and simple. Knowing
what your own priorities are, is key to filtering many requests. What are your goals? Knowing what you are needing to do and
knowing what is important for you to achieve your goals and your priorities,
can help you filter the requests. This
is important whether you are employed, self-employed or a small business
enterprise, you need to be clear on your personal goals and your business/role goals/boundaries.
Having time boundaries enables you to filter requests to personal versus
business time – and hence to place requests comfortably within the relevant
time periods – (eg personal calls during work or business time.) Like
most things, getting to be familiar with saying ‘no’ makes it easy. So, reflect on the most frequent situations
where you would want to be saying ‘no’, where in the past you always said ‘yes’. Think of the ways you will now say,
comfortably and pleasantly ‘no’ in those situations. Practice. When
you say ‘no’ keep it simple. Don’t apologise
or give lengthy explanations. Giving
lengthy explanations makes you seem less certain about your ‘no’ and gives opportunity
for the enquirer to get in and try to change your mind. Keep it simple. ‘No’
does not necessarily mean for ever. If
the request fits within your goals, but not your current priorities, you can
state when you would appropriately be able to fit the request in. When
a request does not fit with your criteria, but you know someone that could fit
the bill – have a quick word with that person to check they are happy to be put
forward, and then when you say ‘no’ put forward the name of the person who
could assist. That way you build your
reputation as someone with boundaries, who can be helpful. Journaling
can give you the opportunity to record your intention to be more assertive, and
the areas you in which you wish to make changes. It helps your brain to know that this is what
you are wanting to do and makes it easier.
Written goals are more likely to be achieved than unwritten goals. So if you want to become an effective manager
of your own life – write down where you are wanting to gain greater control –
and the ways that you plan to do so.
Each day record your progress and your learning. Remember to praise yourself every time you
manage to say ‘no’. You will gain so
much confidence for having taken control. You will have much greater pleasure when
engaging in the activities you want to engage in – as they will finally be free
from the pressing multitudes of unwanted obligations.
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